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All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness Hardcover – October 13, 2015

by Sheila Hamilton (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 353 ratings
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A reporter chases the biggest story of her life: her husband’s descent into mental illness.

Even as a reporter, Sheila Hamilton missed the signs as her husband David’s mental illness unfolded before her. By the time she had pieced together the puzzle, it was too late. Her once brilliant and passionate partner was dead within six weeks of a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, leaving his wife and nine-year-old daughter without so much as a note to explain his actions, a plan to help them recover from their profound grief, or a solution for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt that they would inherit from him.

All the Things We Never Knew takes readers on a breathtaking journey, from David and Sheila’s early romance through the last three months of their life together and into the year after his death. It details their unsettling spiral into the world of mental illness, examines the fragile line between reality and madness, and reveals the true power of love and forgiveness.

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  1. Print length
    312 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Seal Press
  4. Publication date
    October 13, 2015
  5. Dimensions
    6.25 x 1.13 x 9.25 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    1580055842
  7. ISBN-13
    978-1580055840
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"A boldly beautiful page-turner about loving and losing someone with mental illness. I'll be recommending this absorbing memoir for years to come."―Cheryl Strayed, bestselling author of Wild

"If you've ever asked the question 'Do I need help?' or 'Does my loved one need help?' then read this book.... [Sheila Hamilton] gives us permission not to go through hardship alone, no matter what crises we face."―Laura Munson, New York Times-bestselling author of This is Not the Story You Think It Is and founder of Haven Writing Retreats

"All the Things We Never Knew is so beautiful, so raw, and so powerful. It is, in a word, spectacular, and Sheila Hamilton is so generous and brave to share this story with the rest of the world. Anyone who has struggled with mental illness -- their own, their family members', their friends' (which is to say, all of us) -- will come away from this deeply human book feeling less alone."―Kelly Williams Brown, bestselling author of Adulting

"A bold and honest book that takes the stigma out of mental illness and explores the terrible and beautiful angles when a loved one suffers from bipolar disorder."―Lee Woodruff, bestselling author of In an Instant

"One of the most candid, heart-wrenching, and deeply moving accounts of the wake of destruction caused by the suicide of a loved one."―Kevin Hines, author of Cracked, Not Broken

From the Author

Tony Morrison said, "If there is a book you want to read, but it hasn't been written, you must write it." When my husband of ten years began showing distinct signs of agitation, depression, paranoia and confusion, I went to Powell's bookstore in Portland, Oregon to find a book written for caregivers of people with mental illness. I found nothing. Many books are written from the perspective of people suffering from mental health disorders. Very few are written for caregivers. I wrote the book I wanted to read.All the Things We Never Knew is part memoir, part mental health guide. Read the narrative first and skip the chapters for later reference. If you're in crisis, read the inserts first. The reported pieces contain crucial information for anyone attempting to navigate the mental health system.Cheryl Strayed, Laura Munson, Karen Karbo and many other writers whom I admire have heartily endorsed the book. I learned so much from reading their honest and beautiful memoirs. I hope All the Things We Never Knew opens your heart and arms you with the information and tools you need to take care of your own mental health. 

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Seal Press (October 13, 2015)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 312 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1580055842
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1580055840
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 1.1 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.25 x 1.13 x 9.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 353 ratings

About the author

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Sheila Hamilton

Sheila Hamilton

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Sheila Hamilton is a five-time Emmy award winning journalist who has written for film, television, magazine and radio. She authors the wellness blog www.SheilaHamilton.com

Sheila is Portland, Oregon's #1 radio personality and was recently named a "Mental Health Hero" for her advocacy for people with brain-based behavioral challenges. Sheila serves on the boards of Girls Inc., inspiring girls to be strong, smart and bold, and The Foundation for Excellence in Mental Health Care.

Sheila lives in Portland with her husband, three beautiful girls and a dog named Milo.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
353 global ratings
Hard to put down-read in one sitting
4 Stars
Hard to put down-read in one sitting
Raw. Vulnerable. Powerful. Exquisitely written, heartbreaking account of one woman’s journey of recollecting and recovering from a spouse who hid a secret from her in plain view. Honest in her clarity as well as her cloudy memories of the past, this is a hopeful tale of resilience, love and release from shame. Each chapter alternates between the journalist’s story, and factual information about suicide and its prevention. I’ll be thinking about David for a long time.
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Top reviews from the United States

Lesley H.
5.0 out of 5 stars A powerful and very real story
Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2015
Verified Purchase
This was a very powerful story to read. I have listened to Sheila and her co-host du jour on KINK.fm for the last several years, and had heard her mention bits and pieces in the past, but the complete story that is written in this book is something that will stick with me for a long time. It is written with such clarity and rawness that it would be hard to forget.

I know that some have criticized her for not seeing, ignoring, or denying the signs of mental illness in her husband, but I would ask those people to think back to 10-20 years ago and think about how prevalent information about bi-polar disorder or any other mental illness was, or even is today, in mainstream society. Even today, it is still stigmatized, and most people would not know what signs to look for, or recognize if they saw them. Yes, it's easy to look back in hindsight and recognize that there were signs. But when it's happening, it's not that simple. Each moment we live is a single moment, and hindsight is cumulative. It is hard to see the bigger picture when you are immersed in the center of it.

I can certainly relate with Sheila as a mother who is concerned about the genetic aspects of her husband's illness showing up in her daughter. My two teenagers have both clinical anxiety and depression in their family histories, and I have spent their entire lives as a parent attempting to walk the line between over-scrutiny and...whatever the opposite of that is. It is not an easy thing to do. You don't want to coddle your child and make them afraid to live their lives, but you also don't want them to suffer needlessly with issues that they can be treated for and learn to cope with. Many mental health conditions are not necessarily curable, but can be coped with if treated. Sheila explains that her husband compensated for many years, and therefore likely never developed healthy ways to cope with what he experienced with his disorder. The key is early identification and treatment. This includes counseling, which as Sheila points out, has become overshadowed by medication when treating many mental health issues. Medications may treat symptoms, but do nothing for the underlying issues, many of which can be addressed with therapy. Until the medical community addresses this more effectively, family members, especially parents of children and teens, should advocate for their loved ones and push for counseling for any mental illness. Local listeners of Sheila's know that she just sent Sophie off to college at a very prestigious university out of state, and it would not surprise me at all if she is tied in knots every single day having her child that far away from her. I know the day that my oldest transfers and goes to school away from home will be difficult for me, and I will likely worry every day after.

I thank Sheila for sharing her story. The more stories like hers that are told, the more we can learn, and hopefully someday we will not be so ignorant of mental illness as a society as we are now.
4 people found this helpful
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Holly Morello, NTP
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is profoundly important, especially NOW, and it should be considered mandatory reading in middle school on up.
Reviewed in the United States on October 7, 2015
Verified Purchase
I found All the Things We Never Knew is so powerful, I'm encouraging all my friends to read it. Here's what I said to them: "I've been TRYING really hard to not be THAT person with good intentions that everyone dreads, rolls their eyes at, or perhaps get offended by. I KNOW I have been that person sharing my passion for nutrition. Realizing I had been somewhat in your face, evangelical about it, I've taken it down a notch and have resigned to sharing my passion on my business page and on my Instagram account.

THAT SAID, I'm going to risk having you roll your eyes again or maybe be offended but here's the thing, we are ALL affected in some regard by mental illness. Perhaps it's you, a loved one, an acquaintance, a co-worker, a patient, a client, a students, etc. We are ALL affected in some regard. In order to prevent unthinkable things from happening, I believe if we are all better educated about this, the better chance of a more positive outcome.

I just finished reading Sheila Hamilton's new and POWERFUL book All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing The Chaos of Mental Illness. Sheila is an icon in the Portland community with an impressive background in all facets of journalism, she currently is the news director and morning show co-host of my favorite radio station, Kink.fm. I've been a fan of her for years and have watched her daughter Sophie grow up via Facebook for the last 5 years. I read this book in tears, sometimes sobbing (don't let that stop you, though...this is important!).

I encourage everyone from middle school on up to read this. In my opinion, it should be considered mandatory reading in health class so students can perhaps recognize symptoms in themselves or at least have the knowledge as they move forward for themselves and/or their loves ones. All The Things We Never Knew reads like a novel, but it's all true and is the story of the family of one of my community members...it's utterly gut wrenching. Included at the end of each chapter is a well written, well organized section on mental health resources that are extremely valuable all on their own.

This, my friends, is a must read!"
7 people found this helpful
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Lisa
4.0 out of 5 stars Compelling but flawed by author's ego
Reviewed in the United States on October 27, 2015
Verified Purchase
Like many readers, I found this book to be utterly compelling, gut wrenching and informative about the effects of mental illness. In reading this book, I felt as if I knew what Sheila Hamilton and her daughter were going through. The writing was raw and the perspective candid. While it seems so obvious in hindsight that David suffered from severe mental illness for many years, it's absolutely true that it's not so obvious when you're going through the motions of daily life. I think Hamilton did an excellent job of explaining how even a smart, intuitive person often doesn't put all the puzzle pieces together. However, one aspect of the book bothered me immensely -- the author's ego about herself and her sense of entitlement. I got tired of reading about her long legs, her looks and her effect on men. I nearly threw the book down at the line: "There were doctors and lawyers lined up" to date her. Get over yourself, Ms. Hamilton. I also intensely disliked her sense of entitlement. It's clear that Hamilton is somewhat of a minor celebrity, and she has the means to call up high-powered people to help and give her special treatment. She is grateful to them -- but not to underlings, especially those apparently in hospitals and other health care jobs, who don't cater to her need for special treatment. Her patronizing behavior to them was painful to read. And while her husband clearly left her saddled with many financial debts, her tears about looking for a tiny apartment did not engender much sympathy when the reader learned Hamilton had only a "few hundred thousand" dollars in the bank, among other assets. I still chose to give this book four stars because 90 percent of the book was spectacular. The remaining 10 percent is because the author is tone deaf about how she sometimes came across to the reader.
7 people found this helpful
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